Saturday, March 13, 2010

It is time!

You know that baboon in the Disney movie "The Lion King", who says "It
is TIME!"? Well, I have this strange feeling that such a moment is coming for me. I don’t know when or where, but I FEEL it. I feel it in a way I’ve never felt before. Will it
happen at WWU Alum/Fiji Islander weekend this year? I do not know, but I know God sent me to college up there in the first place to meet some of the best friends I’ve ever made and probably ever will make in my lifetime…and together we're gonna figure
some shit out. I've had this weird premonition in dreams lately...that ...something big will happen. Birnam wood to Dunsinane, paper to fire, Wile E. Coyote to rocket, rum to Coke, Moses to Mount Sinai, Mexican to taco, etc. Something is going to come together. Minds, ideas, and plans are going to come together.
Austin, Texas is a great city. I consider myself lucky to live in it. But I’ve had a rough time here. I have family here who have supported me and helped me out in ways I can never repay them for. I’ve met a lot of cool people. But I’ve had a lot of bad experiences too. I can’t for the life of me find a job that allows me to use my unique talents. By unique, I mean weird. For a city that boasts the slogan “Keep Austin Weird”, there sure aren’t many profitable outlets for weirdness. Jobs I do manage to snag are usually temporary, and they pay me just enough to get by, or in a lot of cases NOT enough to get by. They are either pleasant but don’t pay enough, or pay enough but are sheer torture.
I had a conversation with my dad on the phone after my car accident a couple of weeks ago. He asked me “Are you still smiling”? He always tells me that… “keep smiling”. He’s told me that since I was a kid, almost as long as he’s called me by a nickname I’ve never understood and never will, “Binky”. But he had never posed it to me as a QUESTION before. “ARE you STILL smiling?” I thought about that question for a second…and I realized that no, I’m not. I feel as though I’ve been living in constant worry for the last two years, the very state of mind that everyone from Jesus to psychologists to Bob Marley tell us all NOT to be in.
I am known by most as a cheerful person. I keep my head up, and I don’t give up. But in the comic strip that I draw, “Bill and Buster”, the title characters have evolved into reflections of two sides of myself. Bill, the side of me that overthinks everything, and worries too much, and Buster, the carefree, spontaneous and impulsive side. I once read a great quote that describes me well. I’ll paraphrase because I do not know the original author or context: “I’m really good at solving other peoples’ problems, it’s my own that I have trouble with.” I’ve been too much like Bill lately.
Another quote that gets thrown around a lot is “The night is darkest just before the dawn”. Well, I can’t think of any time darker than now. The country I live in is in turmoil, my life is worrisome and lonely, it seems like I am living in a world that just won’t cheer up.
Well, here’s the deal, World. You’ve gotten to me. You’ve dragged me down. But you know what? Long ago, I thought about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I wanted to be someone who could use my God-given talents, no matter how unusual they are, to make other people happy. Not to PLEASE everyone, not to make everyone agree with me, but to help them, as my dad says, to “keep smiling”.
I’m done with worrying. I’m done trying to solve everyone else’s problems. I need to focus on ME, and I need to take these strange dreams I’ve been having seriously. I’ve got some money, some good friends, and some talent. Before I grow old and have the option to regret lost opportunities, I need to harness the power of those resources. It is TIME.

No comments:

Post a Comment