The Devil’s Relationship Advice For The 21st Century “Gentleman”

I’m going to be serious here. Usually when I write blogs or occasionally create a funny “Matt Hunter Says” video, it’s about something fairly light-hearted, maybe a tad controversial that has had some effect on my life or the public consciousness.

But this one isn’t the least bit funny or controversial. Nope, I have no “funny ha-ha” graphics or cartoony music or silly voices for this one.

This deals with the way men are treating women these days. Some might call it “domestic violence”. I’ve seen it in the media, I’ve heard it in music, I’ve seen it going on all around me, both peripherally and close to home. I’ve seen it going on with old friends, new friends, neighbors, and acquaintances…to the point that it makes me sick, and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of seeing it, hearing it, and having my heart broken by watching those close to me dealing with it.

Perhaps it stems from the “guido” mentality that has been poisoning our culture thanks to MTV’s “reality” programming. Maybe it comes from the theatrics of the rap/hip-hop culture. Maybe it comes from the constant mantra being chanted all around us that we should all follow our own individual desires and dreams, and put ourselves before all else.

It seems to me as though the traditional morals of courtship, relationships, and the bond between man and woman have been so undermined in the last several decades that nobody knows what they mean anymore. Dudes are putting their status in society on such a high pedestal that as long as they have a fruitful career, their own house, a nice car, a full wallet and a hot girl on their arm, they’re complete. It doesn’t seem to matter to them how they treat said hot girl.

I honestly wonder sometimes if I was the only man in the universe raised with the mentality of being a gentleman. I know deep down that I wasn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have joined a college fraternity based on that ideology, or met so many friends in my current life who share the same principles.

There’s a mental process some dudes go through. There’s a little devil on their shoulders, who puts ideas into their heads. This little devil sticks his mind-controlling pitchfork into their upper brains, and the pointy, poisonous tip of his tail into their hearts, forcing them to use only a numb heart, a perverted mind (said “upper brain) and an uninhibited “lower brain” (AKA “dick”). They are then forced to heed this advice:

The Devil’s Relationship Advice For The 21st Century “Gentleman”:

“You have a hot girl, right? Why marry her? Why bother forming any sort of emotional attachment, as long as she’s available to pose for you in front of your friends for their approval? Why bother investing the time to engage in or encourage her own interests, get to know her group of friends, or ask her what’s on her mind or how she feels on a given day, when you can just snap your fingers and have her jump into bed with you for your own sexual pleasure? Just throw out a half-hearted “I love you” every once in a while. Maybe buy her a TV, or some jewelry.

If she does or says something that you disapprove of, well, that’s unacceptable. What harm could a little training do? If a dog pees on the rug, rub his nose in it, right? So, if your woman smiles at someone else, stays out too late with her friends, or exhibits habits that are socially unacceptable in your eyes, why not yank the leash a little by calling her a slut? That’s like saying “heel!” If you have an argument and she says something too blunt, why not give her a little slap in the face? Hell, a dog can take a little spritz of water or a shake from a can full of pennies, right? Lets them know their limits. It’s the same with your girl, right? A little reprimand here, a little slap there, maybe a push, a shove, a yank. Nobody has to see it either. Nobody has to tell YOU how to handle things. Best keep these things a private matter…she’s not going to tell anyone. Why would she? You buy her everything she could ever want. You give her so much pleasure just by being with her…she can handle a little pain if it improves her life in the long run.

Oh, her friends are getting a little worried about her? No matter. Just put your game face on, and be sure she does the same. A little make-up will hide that bruise you gave her last night. After all, you didn’t mean to squeeze her so hard. It just happened. Let her invite her friends over for dinner and a few drinks. Make them feel welcome, show them how in love you are, how perfect your life together is. Your little disagreements now and then aren’t THEIR concern, and they’ll go home soon enough.

If she somehow feels the need to express discomfort in front of guests, just make sure she’s good and sauced when she does it. That way, they’ll write it off as “Oh, she was just a little drunk, she didn’t know what she was doing”.

Eventually, her training will be complete. Your life together will be perfect, and all your dreams will be fulfilled. Her friends will have moved on, and you will be her one and only lover forever, because you’ve made sure to monitor her phone and internet use and weed out the bad influences. Who cares if she cries in her sleep at night. It’s not your fault, she’s just having a bad dream.”

-B. L. Zeebub, P.H.D.

Guys, don’t listen to this devil. And Ladies, don’t tolerate his influence. Find a guy who treats you with respect, love and devotion. Otherwise, you’ll end up in situations like the one above. Chivalry is not dead, gentleman still exist. Good women still exist as well. But all of you, heed my warning…that devil is out there.