A Rant About CGI Cartoon Eyes

I know it's been nearly a year since I updated this blog. But tonight I had an interesting conversation on Facebook, and one of the participants suggested I turn it into a blog post. Now, I don't want to sound like a curmudgeon. I won't do a gazillion posts insulting the current state of American cartoons like John Kricfalusi does on his blog. But I WILL do this one.

I was watching "a Charlie Brown Christmas" on TV tonight. Despite the fact that ABC edited out some bits of it to fit in more commercials, I enjoyed it as usual. My eyes were then assaulted by a Disney CGI special called "Prep and Landing". Actually, a sequel to that, but I digress. I should rephrase "eyes were assaulted"...it was more like "the eyes assaulted ME." There have been a TON of computer-animated movies and TV shows in recent years, and a good majority of them have a design flaw that bothers me. The characters' eyes are not expressive. They look like giant ping-pong balls popping out of the characters' skulls, and they rarely, if ever, change shape or size.

I mentioned this on Facebook, and one astute friend of mine from high school pointed out the Japanese anime influence. We agreed that there is some of that...Osamu Tezuka designed the first true anime character, Astro Boy, with the style of Disney artist Carl Barks in mind.




But Barks' eyes were quite expressive, and Tezuka and his successors were, too. Anime style does indeed have wide, sometimes pie-cut eyes, but they change shape and size for expression.



Compare the above to stuff like this:






Notice the round, staring, ping-pong ball eyes. They never change shape, leaving the eyelids and eyebrows to do all the work. To me, that looks strange. Compare it, if you will, to the hand-drawn masters Chuck Jones and Tex Avery:





Now see some examples in motion. Check out these two clips from Chuck Jones' "Rabbit Fire" and "Rabbit Seasoning". Eyes used to be KEY in American cartoons. Chuck Jones and Tex Avery were the masters of eye expression. A character like Bugs Bunny could say a thousand words without making a sound, just by moving his eyes.

Watch this bit. We've all seen it...but focus on the characters' eyes. They change shape constantly. Watch Elmer Fudd. He doesn't say a word in this scene, but he registers confusion, then frustration, and determination with his eyes alone.

"Rabbit Fire"

It goes to even funnier extremes in this one:

"Rabbit Seasoning"

Now, compare the above Bugs Bunny clips to this:


Notice again the wide, bulging, dead eyes. Even something like "Heavy Metal" did better than THAT. Each character had unique, expressive eyes.



My friend Rachel uses expressive eyes in her comic strips. Though they're simple shapes, the size of the pupils and shape of the eyes change, thus making her characters expressive.



I do it. My characters change eye shape all the time.



So why, with all the awesome stuff that computers can do with cartoons, do we keep seeing this?



It "boggles" the mind.

Judging a Song By Its Cover: Part 1

In case you've never noticed, musicians and bands borrow each others' songs all the time. Usually, these "covers" are done to pay tribute to the original artist, or to adapt a well-known song in a new and different style. I thought it would be fun to compare some of my favorites with the originals, and see if they TOP the original or fall short.

First up, Cake's cover of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive".

Cake:


Gaynor:


Tough call, because the styles are so different. But I'm going to have to give the nod to Cake for this one. The original is a classic, but it's really stuck in its disco-era time period.


Lots of people have covered John Lennon's songs. They usually don't come close to topping Lennon, but they have done some interesting things with them. Take, for instance, Green Day's take on John Lennon's post-Beatles political rant "Working Class Hero".

Green Day:


Lennon:


Green Day really nail this one, and add a little edge to the darkness and hopelessness of Lennon's lyrics. But I have to say, Lennon's is the original and best.

Even Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder has tried his hand at John Lennon. Vedder tackles the Beatles' "Hide Your Love Away" for the "I Am Sam" movie soundtrack.

Vedder:


Beatles:


Vedder's is a good version. But nobody can say with a straight face that it's better than the Beatles' classic. Ironically, both versions were part of movie soundtracks (The Beatles' "Help!" album was the soundtrack to the "Help!" movie.)

Here's an example of an older, legendary artist covering a more modern song from a completely different genre than he was used to. Let's see how Johnny Cash dealt with Nine Inch Nails:

NIN:


Cash:


It's a dark, brooding song no matter how you look at it. But I think the general consensus among music fans everywhere is that Johnny Cash nailed Nine Inch Nails. When Cash, in his final years of life, sang anything, he made it captivating and believable. Out of the way, Trent Reznor...the Man in Black just schooled you on your own song!

Punk covers of pop songs can be particularly great because they generally take a light, simple, bubble-gummy song and simplify it even more, after amping it up on steroids. Such is the case of Local H. vs. Britney Spears' "Toxic":

Local H:


Spears:


Local H's cover is awesome, but I think the song is so associated with Britney Spears that not even a new spin on it can make a better song. It is what it is, and for that I think Spears wins here.

Sometimes a song is so awesomely stupid that people love it no matter who performs it. Perhaps Snoop Dogg's best-known song is "Gin and Juice", and it's about as classic as you can get for old-school rap...it's about smoking pot, getting drunk and "bitches in the living room gettin' it on." But what happens when a quirky country band from South Austin adapts it?

The Gourds:


Snoop:


I have to go with the cover on this one. The Gourds did something completely unheard of...country-fying a rap song. On top of that, they made it AWESOME! No disrespect to my homeboy Snoop, but Snoop can't rock the banjo.

While on the subject of rap covers, What if you turn a rap song into a mellow pop song? That's what Dynamite Hack did to Eazy E's "Boyz In The Hood".

Dynamite Hack:


Eazy E


Eazy E wins this contest. DH's version is funny, but that's just it...it seems to be mocking the original without improving on it.

Here's a 3-for-all...What do Bob Dylan, Dave Matthews and Jimi Hendrix have in common? They've all made kick-ass versions of "All Along the Watchtower" (Dylan's being the original version.)

Matthews:


Hendrix:


Bob Dylan is apparently a copyright nazi, so no Youtube link for him. Ass!

But no matter. Dylan's was good, but other artists saw something in it that he did not, hence Jimi Hendrix's better (and better-known) classic. But you know, I gotta give both of these covers a tie here. You might not THINK someone like Dave Matthews Band could compete with Jimi Hendrix, but their version is epic in a way that the other versions weren't. Jimi and Dave get a tie.

Well how about Dave Matthews? Has anybody covered his stuff? Yes! In fact, none other than Willie Nelson gave Matthews' "Gravedigger" a shot.

Willie:


Dave:


This is hard, because I love Dave Matthews and Willie Nelson. Both are legendary. Comparing the two music videos, Willie made a better one. But if you just listen to the SONG, I have to say the original is better. I don't feel the emotion in Nelson's vocals as much as I do in Matthews'. That, and Nelson's cover is pretty straightforward...he doesn;t do a bad job, but he doesn't add anything either.

The Devil’s Relationship Advice For The 21st Century “Gentleman”

I’m going to be serious here. Usually when I write blogs or occasionally create a funny “Matt Hunter Says” video, it’s about something fairly light-hearted, maybe a tad controversial that has had some effect on my life or the public consciousness.

But this one isn’t the least bit funny or controversial. Nope, I have no “funny ha-ha” graphics or cartoony music or silly voices for this one.

This deals with the way men are treating women these days. Some might call it “domestic violence”. I’ve seen it in the media, I’ve heard it in music, I’ve seen it going on all around me, both peripherally and close to home. I’ve seen it going on with old friends, new friends, neighbors, and acquaintances…to the point that it makes me sick, and I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired of seeing it, hearing it, and having my heart broken by watching those close to me dealing with it.

Perhaps it stems from the “guido” mentality that has been poisoning our culture thanks to MTV’s “reality” programming. Maybe it comes from the theatrics of the rap/hip-hop culture. Maybe it comes from the constant mantra being chanted all around us that we should all follow our own individual desires and dreams, and put ourselves before all else.

It seems to me as though the traditional morals of courtship, relationships, and the bond between man and woman have been so undermined in the last several decades that nobody knows what they mean anymore. Dudes are putting their status in society on such a high pedestal that as long as they have a fruitful career, their own house, a nice car, a full wallet and a hot girl on their arm, they’re complete. It doesn’t seem to matter to them how they treat said hot girl.

I honestly wonder sometimes if I was the only man in the universe raised with the mentality of being a gentleman. I know deep down that I wasn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have joined a college fraternity based on that ideology, or met so many friends in my current life who share the same principles.

There’s a mental process some dudes go through. There’s a little devil on their shoulders, who puts ideas into their heads. This little devil sticks his mind-controlling pitchfork into their upper brains, and the pointy, poisonous tip of his tail into their hearts, forcing them to use only a numb heart, a perverted mind (said “upper brain) and an uninhibited “lower brain” (AKA “dick”). They are then forced to heed this advice:

The Devil’s Relationship Advice For The 21st Century “Gentleman”:

“You have a hot girl, right? Why marry her? Why bother forming any sort of emotional attachment, as long as she’s available to pose for you in front of your friends for their approval? Why bother investing the time to engage in or encourage her own interests, get to know her group of friends, or ask her what’s on her mind or how she feels on a given day, when you can just snap your fingers and have her jump into bed with you for your own sexual pleasure? Just throw out a half-hearted “I love you” every once in a while. Maybe buy her a TV, or some jewelry.

If she does or says something that you disapprove of, well, that’s unacceptable. What harm could a little training do? If a dog pees on the rug, rub his nose in it, right? So, if your woman smiles at someone else, stays out too late with her friends, or exhibits habits that are socially unacceptable in your eyes, why not yank the leash a little by calling her a slut? That’s like saying “heel!” If you have an argument and she says something too blunt, why not give her a little slap in the face? Hell, a dog can take a little spritz of water or a shake from a can full of pennies, right? Lets them know their limits. It’s the same with your girl, right? A little reprimand here, a little slap there, maybe a push, a shove, a yank. Nobody has to see it either. Nobody has to tell YOU how to handle things. Best keep these things a private matter…she’s not going to tell anyone. Why would she? You buy her everything she could ever want. You give her so much pleasure just by being with her…she can handle a little pain if it improves her life in the long run.

Oh, her friends are getting a little worried about her? No matter. Just put your game face on, and be sure she does the same. A little make-up will hide that bruise you gave her last night. After all, you didn’t mean to squeeze her so hard. It just happened. Let her invite her friends over for dinner and a few drinks. Make them feel welcome, show them how in love you are, how perfect your life together is. Your little disagreements now and then aren’t THEIR concern, and they’ll go home soon enough.

If she somehow feels the need to express discomfort in front of guests, just make sure she’s good and sauced when she does it. That way, they’ll write it off as “Oh, she was just a little drunk, she didn’t know what she was doing”.

Eventually, her training will be complete. Your life together will be perfect, and all your dreams will be fulfilled. Her friends will have moved on, and you will be her one and only lover forever, because you’ve made sure to monitor her phone and internet use and weed out the bad influences. Who cares if she cries in her sleep at night. It’s not your fault, she’s just having a bad dream.”

-B. L. Zeebub, P.H.D.

Guys, don’t listen to this devil. And Ladies, don’t tolerate his influence. Find a guy who treats you with respect, love and devotion. Otherwise, you’ll end up in situations like the one above. Chivalry is not dead, gentleman still exist. Good women still exist as well. But all of you, heed my warning…that devil is out there.

What's In A Name?

As most of you are aware, my current job entails cataloguing vital records. The deaths, which I previously wrote about, are far more interesting than the births, which are typically unremarkable. But every once in a while, my co-workers and I run across a birth certificate with a name we can’t believe. You know, a name that inspires exclamations of “Why would someone name their kid THAT?!”

In the past few days, we have been indexing a large portion of the birth certificates from 2007, just 3 years ago…and it’s alarming how many wacky names we’ve seen, and how often. So we started taking notes.

Take heed, mommies and daddies to be. Remember that your child’s name will be with them for the rest of their life. A name can be a blessing or a curse upon them. Stop, step back, and think: “Are the other kids going to make fun of this name?” YOU may love it and think it’s beautiful, adorable or clever, but please, for the love of God, think of what it would be like to live with a name before assigning it to your bundle of joy.

Some of these aren’t really too bad. I know a few people who have them, and it makes them unique. But what struck me is how FREQUENTLY they started to appear in the catalog of 2007 births. Some are just plain funny, others aren’t funny until you realize that hundreds of kids were similarly named in the same state during the same year. Take, for instance, “Angel”, which appeared literally thousands of times. It is a “unisex name”, given equally to both girls and boys. I had to chuckle at the possibility of a little league baseball team sometime in the future, where there will be, literally, Angels in the outfield! Common, ordinary names like “Mark” or “John” or “Ashley” or “Lauren” were the exception, not the rule. Thus, I relate a list of “Hippie Names”…

Hippie Names

Willow
Meadow
Lily
Rose
Breeze
Coral
Rain
Lluvia
Essence
Star
Zephyr
Squall
Summer
Ocean
Canyon
Jaguar
Jewel
Briar
Palm
Hope
Storm
Truth
Diamond
Priceless
Freedom
Phoenix Jewel
Spirit Faith
Trinity
Angel
Melody
Harmony
Cadence
Lyric



As if naming a child “Squall” isn’t cruel enough, some parents in 2007 just couldn’t keep a lid on their nerdiness, thus ensuring that their offspring never have a chance of escaping a similar fate. These parents decided that family, religious or traditional names just weren’t good enough. Nope, gotta go with Star Wars, Batman, the Beatles and various video games.


Fanboy Names

Lucas Obi
Bane Wayne
Lucy Diamond
Daisy Peach
Raiden
Ganon

Some of the names we ran across were sort of “throwback” names that have been fairly uncommon in recent generations. But there’s a reason they haven’t been too common. They sound like butlers. Nevertheless, parents in 2007 flocked to these old-time monikers. They were EVERYWHERE.

Butler names

Chauncey
Thaddeus
Damien
Ricardo
Edgar
Roderick
Edmond
Quinston
Holden
Cleveland
Winston
Cedric
Ashton
Weston
Remington
Darby
Hugo
Niles
Alfred

And the clincher. Full, actual name, first, middle and last:

Beautiful Imyounique Johnson.

That kid’s self esteem must be through the roof.

Random thoughts

Sometimes, random funny thoughts pop into my head. Well, actually, all the time. Like today, for instance. I was just watching TV, waiting on a load of laundry. Apparently Sunday afternoon is when other people do their laundry too, because every commercial that came on was for a laundry or fabric product of some kind.

I got to thinking, What's with the background music in the Febreeze commercials? Imagine being the singer who got called in for that. "Now,we've got this goofy little beat cued up, and all you're going to sing is "bada da dadada dada DA..."

I don't even remember what was going on in the commercial, because the music was so distracting. Even worse, it got stuck in my head.

My cable remote has a guide feature, to show a grid of all the channels and what's on. I ran across a listing that said "Jimmy Swagga". I was disappointed to learn that this was not the greatest rapper MC name in history, but a lazy abbreviation for "Jimmy Swaggart", a televangelist.

These are the kinds of strange things that I think about.

It is time!

You know that baboon in the Disney movie "The Lion King", who says "It
is TIME!"? Well, I have this strange feeling that such a moment is coming for me. I don’t know when or where, but I FEEL it. I feel it in a way I’ve never felt before. Will it
happen at WWU Alum/Fiji Islander weekend this year? I do not know, but I know God sent me to college up there in the first place to meet some of the best friends I’ve ever made and probably ever will make in my lifetime…and together we're gonna figure
some shit out. I've had this weird premonition in dreams lately...that ...something big will happen. Birnam wood to Dunsinane, paper to fire, Wile E. Coyote to rocket, rum to Coke, Moses to Mount Sinai, Mexican to taco, etc. Something is going to come together. Minds, ideas, and plans are going to come together.
Austin, Texas is a great city. I consider myself lucky to live in it. But I’ve had a rough time here. I have family here who have supported me and helped me out in ways I can never repay them for. I’ve met a lot of cool people. But I’ve had a lot of bad experiences too. I can’t for the life of me find a job that allows me to use my unique talents. By unique, I mean weird. For a city that boasts the slogan “Keep Austin Weird”, there sure aren’t many profitable outlets for weirdness. Jobs I do manage to snag are usually temporary, and they pay me just enough to get by, or in a lot of cases NOT enough to get by. They are either pleasant but don’t pay enough, or pay enough but are sheer torture.
I had a conversation with my dad on the phone after my car accident a couple of weeks ago. He asked me “Are you still smiling”? He always tells me that… “keep smiling”. He’s told me that since I was a kid, almost as long as he’s called me by a nickname I’ve never understood and never will, “Binky”. But he had never posed it to me as a QUESTION before. “ARE you STILL smiling?” I thought about that question for a second…and I realized that no, I’m not. I feel as though I’ve been living in constant worry for the last two years, the very state of mind that everyone from Jesus to psychologists to Bob Marley tell us all NOT to be in.
I am known by most as a cheerful person. I keep my head up, and I don’t give up. But in the comic strip that I draw, “Bill and Buster”, the title characters have evolved into reflections of two sides of myself. Bill, the side of me that overthinks everything, and worries too much, and Buster, the carefree, spontaneous and impulsive side. I once read a great quote that describes me well. I’ll paraphrase because I do not know the original author or context: “I’m really good at solving other peoples’ problems, it’s my own that I have trouble with.” I’ve been too much like Bill lately.
Another quote that gets thrown around a lot is “The night is darkest just before the dawn”. Well, I can’t think of any time darker than now. The country I live in is in turmoil, my life is worrisome and lonely, it seems like I am living in a world that just won’t cheer up.
Well, here’s the deal, World. You’ve gotten to me. You’ve dragged me down. But you know what? Long ago, I thought about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I wanted to be someone who could use my God-given talents, no matter how unusual they are, to make other people happy. Not to PLEASE everyone, not to make everyone agree with me, but to help them, as my dad says, to “keep smiling”.
I’m done with worrying. I’m done trying to solve everyone else’s problems. I need to focus on ME, and I need to take these strange dreams I’ve been having seriously. I’ve got some money, some good friends, and some talent. Before I grow old and have the option to regret lost opportunities, I need to harness the power of those resources. It is TIME.

Death Be Not Proud. Death Be Hilarious!

Death.

It’s not a pleasant thing to think about. None of us, young or old, want to think about our expiration date. It could be tomorrow, it could be 80 years from now. We don’t know. All we have is the faith that our belief in God will grant our souls eternal life, and in the meantime, we make the best of our time on Earth.

But this post is not about religion. It’s not about how to live life, either. It’s about unpleasant ways to end it all, or have it all ended for you. My current job involves vital records…public information archived by the State of Texas, and amended when necessary. When a person is born, it is recorded. When a person dies, it is similarly documented. The information for these events is readily available to the public, but very few people ever get to see the big picture.

I do.

Birth certificates, for all practical purposes, are boring. Another baby born…big deal. Every human being is born, and rarely is there anything unique about it. Everybody pops out of their mothers’ womb and exits the vagina the same way their fathers’ sperm came in. That’s biology. That’s life. That’s the way God made things. Every creature on Earth is born, and every creature on Earth dies.

But HOW do they die?

Most die of natural causes at an old age. Heart problems, cancer, and various vital organ failures are not pretty, but once a person gets past age 80, they’re pretty much par for the course.

Many people die much earlier. Here comes the funny part.

Accidents happen, but the deadly ones are usually preventable.

Take, for instance, a man who met his end by opening the door of a moving vehicle to retrieve his baseball cap. He was the driver! Needless to say, his official cause of death was listed as “Impact with pavement.’

Another death listed as a vehicle accident was given this brief explanation: “Motorcycle vs. tree.” The tree, presumably, emerged victorious.

Metal workers need to be careful on the job. The explanation for one occupational demise said: “Fell in vat of molten aluminum”. I’m not sure what they did for the funeral on that guy…did they have to shine him up for the open-casket viewing?

A young child’s death was listed as an accidental poisoning: “Fell in bucket of Pine Sol.”

One man was burned to death. The description for that one could only happen in Texas: “Allegedly burning cactus, clothes caught fire.”

Thousands of people die from drug use and abuse. In the unfortunate case of one individual, smuggling them was deadly as well. Cause of death: “Accidental Recreational Drug Ovedose”. Explanation: Ingested balloon containing cocaine.

Murder is bad any way you look at it. But if you’re caught in the act, as one man was, expect to join your victim in the hereafter. A Mexican man died of “multiple gunshot wounds”. Explanation: “Shot to death by military police while murdering his wife.”

Suicides happen all the time, but in some cases they don’t go according to plan. One person’s cause of death was listed as “Severe head trauma”, and the explanation was as follows: “Apparent suicide attempt: died upon impact with floor after rope broke.”

One fellow met his end from a gunshot, but not from a murder or suicide. Instead, his death was listed as accidental, explained as “gunshot wound to nose”. Careful when you’re cleaning those guns, folks…always keep the muzzle pointed in a SAFE direction!

Drinkers: when the bartender cuts you off, take their word for it. Otherwise, you might wind up like the guy who died of “Acute ethanol intoxication”.

And finally (for now), it must be noted that the wording of some death explanations is at times redundant, and typos are common.

One such listing was a double-whammy of an unfortunate name and a redundant wording: Bambi Dick died of “Accidental death, apparently in accident.”

A routine vehicular accident isn’t funny in and of itself. But if it happens on a “Pubic highway” (Note the absence of the “L”), well, that just gives it a whole new meaning!

As long as people keep dying in unusual or humorous ways, this post is sure to become the first in a series. Stay tuned!