As most of you are aware, my current job entails cataloguing vital records. The deaths, which I previously wrote about, are far more interesting than the births, which are typically unremarkable. But every once in a while, my co-workers and I run across a birth certificate with a name we can’t believe. You know, a name that inspires exclamations of “Why would someone name their kid THAT?!”
In the past few days, we have been indexing a large portion of the birth certificates from 2007, just 3 years ago…and it’s alarming how many wacky names we’ve seen, and how often. So we started taking notes.
Take heed, mommies and daddies to be. Remember that your child’s name will be with them for the rest of their life. A name can be a blessing or a curse upon them. Stop, step back, and think: “Are the other kids going to make fun of this name?” YOU may love it and think it’s beautiful, adorable or clever, but please, for the love of God, think of what it would be like to live with a name before assigning it to your bundle of joy.
Some of these aren’t really too bad. I know a few people who have them, and it makes them unique. But what struck me is how FREQUENTLY they started to appear in the catalog of 2007 births. Some are just plain funny, others aren’t funny until you realize that hundreds of kids were similarly named in the same state during the same year. Take, for instance, “Angel”, which appeared literally thousands of times. It is a “unisex name”, given equally to both girls and boys. I had to chuckle at the possibility of a little league baseball team sometime in the future, where there will be, literally, Angels in the outfield! Common, ordinary names like “Mark” or “John” or “Ashley” or “Lauren” were the exception, not the rule. Thus, I relate a list of “Hippie Names”…
Hippie Names
Willow
Meadow
Lily
Rose
Breeze
Coral
Rain
Lluvia
Essence
Star
Zephyr
Squall
Summer
Ocean
Canyon
Jaguar
Jewel
Briar
Palm
Hope
Storm
Truth
Diamond
Priceless
Freedom
Phoenix Jewel
Spirit Faith
Trinity
Angel
Melody
Harmony
Cadence
Lyric
As if naming a child “Squall” isn’t cruel enough, some parents in 2007 just couldn’t keep a lid on their nerdiness, thus ensuring that their offspring never have a chance of escaping a similar fate. These parents decided that family, religious or traditional names just weren’t good enough. Nope, gotta go with Star Wars, Batman, the Beatles and various video games.
Fanboy Names
Lucas Obi
Bane Wayne
Lucy Diamond
Daisy Peach
Raiden
Ganon
Some of the names we ran across were sort of “throwback” names that have been fairly uncommon in recent generations. But there’s a reason they haven’t been too common. They sound like butlers. Nevertheless, parents in 2007 flocked to these old-time monikers. They were EVERYWHERE.
Butler names
Chauncey
Thaddeus
Damien
Ricardo
Edgar
Roderick
Edmond
Quinston
Holden
Cleveland
Winston
Cedric
Ashton
Weston
Remington
Darby
Hugo
Niles
Alfred
And the clincher. Full, actual name, first, middle and last:
Beautiful Imyounique Johnson.
That kid’s self esteem must be through the roof.
